I’ve been thinking about you. How did we ever come to this state. Already have doubt in my minds. Thinking of the “expiration date” of whatever this is. It saddens me. It causes me pain. It hurts for me to think so negatively. I’ve come to realized that this is reality and I have to accept it.
As I was on my own to school, I found myself reading and deleting message of people in my phone. I stumbled to yours and read the conversation we had through the years. I came across that one conversation we had one Saturday afternoon. That almost intimate conversation. Asking what we really are. Then, it hit me. I have been thinking about it ALL DAY LONG.
I was trying to ignore you. This is my way of trying to detach myself. But whenever I do that, you somehow magically react to it. I always start all over again. As I was walking, I was somehow waiting for you to walk beside me. But then again, I thought about it and told myself that you have no obligation to me. So I continue staring blankly as I walk. Not saying any words. Not showing any expression. Just trying to concentrate on my mind that is floating in the air. As we walk back to Batibot, I was walking in the same manner. Not minding anybody. Just walking and staring blankly. I didn’t even bother to wait for you guys. I already accepted the fact that I am having a bad day. But suddenly, something shocking happened. You walk pass through me with your positive aura and that smile on your face and said “Hi!” As a response, I smiled back.
I was still minding my own business. Sat away from the table full of happy people. I wanted to isolate myself. But deep inside, I wanted you to be isolated with me. Again, you sat beside me. Talk to me about things. Asking me if I’m tired because you also feel the same thing. Then, I decided to tell you something about what is bothering me. We ended up finishing our conversation and realizing that our classmates are already upstairs. Telling you my thoughts was just relieving. I wish we have more times like this. Hoping that you’ll be more open to me and trust me with your secrets.
After class, I waited for you. Hugged you. Didn’t want to let go of you. I wanted time to freeze in that moment. Somehow it made me feel at ease. Making me realize that you care about me as much as I care about you. Hugging you make things feel lighter.